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‘There are so many laughs in this book, you almost forget how upsetting capitalism is’
Simon Amstell

A naked Russian oligarch is spanking me in his basement. His weapon is a birch branch, the setting his luxurious home sauna. Above us is 30,000 square feet of one of Moscow’s most obscene private homes, an original Damien Hirst above the fireplace, a vacuum cleaning system built into the skirting boards. Invisible speakers serenade us with a desolate pan pipe cover of ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’. A light display rotates kaleidoscopically, illuminating the oligarch’s genitals in a variety of unexpected hues. Everyone is silent. Then the oligarch’s son Nikita looks at me with a mysterious smile.

‘Now my mother will bring us honey.’

Matt Knott spent over a decade traveling the globe as a private tutor. He has taught Shakespeare in Moscow, times tables in Tuscany, and is still trying to figure out how to explain long division.

With brilliant honesty and wit, he takes us inside a world most of us only glimpse speeding past in a luxury SUV. Unfolding across four continents and featuring a colourful cast of butlers, billionaires and yummy mummies, this is a hilarious and touching chronicle of an unforgettable time.


There are so many laughs in this book, you almost forget how upsetting capitalism is
Simon Amstell
Deliciously funny and very poignant
Amia Srinivasan, author of The Right to Sex
I howled with laughter throughout... touching and hilarious in equal measure
Amrou Al-Kadhi, Author of Life as a Unicorn
I laughed aloud. So many times. Finally a book that deconstructs the bizarre and grotesque world of the super rich and is funny, smart and moving while doing it
Tom Rasmussen, Author of Diary of a Drag Queen
A hilarious and timely look behind the curtain of the international super-rich
Michael Walker
Matt Knott is a comic genius
Grace Chatto