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“I’m in bed with my mother, in a Bangkok sex hotel. It is my 30th birthday, it is time for me to become a man, and I have grave worries about the kind of man I’m going to become.”

On an unlikely backpacking trip, Rhik and his mother find themselves speaking openly for the first time in years. Afterwards, the depression that has weighed down on Rhik begins to loosen its grip for a moment – so he seizes the opportunity: to own it, to understand it, and to find out where it came from.

Through this begins a journey of investigation, healing and recovery. Along the way Rhik learns some shocking truths about his family, and realizes that, in turn, he will need to confront the secrets he has long buried. But through this, he triumphs over his fears and brings his depression into the light.

I Never Said I Loved You is the story of how Rhik learned to let go, and then keep going. With unique humour and honesty, he has created a powerfully rich, funny and poignant exploration of the light and dark in all of us.

(p) 2019 Headline Publishing Group Ltd


Both funny and touching.
I Never Said I Love You is one of the most electric, enchanting, engrossing and energising memoirs of self-harm, self-loathing, grief, eating disorders, suicide - and sex - that you will read.
The Sunday Times
Indecently entertaining... one of the most uplifting and eccentric memoirs I have ever read.
This mind-blowingly wonderful memoir had me convulsing with laughter even while my heart was breaking. It's utterly effing BEAUTIFUL.
Marian Keyes
I found myself blindsided by this extraordinary book ... I was deeply moved by its capacity both to depict pain, and offer consolation. I loved it, and won't ever forget it.
Sarah Perry
Brutally honest and relentlessly funny.
Adam Kay
Both unputdownable and beautifully-written, bracing and consoling. A book that tackles mental health and the darkest things with razor-sharp wit and mordant laughs aplenty ... read this.
Sharlene Teo
Touching, funny, wildly readable ... Look out for it.
Sathnam Sanghera
No one writes better, or more sweetly, about how it feels to feel. Even the darkest times are shot through with glorious, bright beams of wit.
Janet Ellis
It's honest and funny (and beautifully painful and brutal at times), but also - oh goodness - it's so elegant. The writing is graceful and kind, even when it hurts a little to remember it's a memoir.
Joanna Cannon
Equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking. What an absolutely riveting read.
Nikita Gill
Heartbreaking, funny, raw, brave and - yes! - even better than the egg thing.
Erin Kelly
I have always loved Rhik Samadder's writing. And now there's a whole book!
Jessie Burton
A stunning memoir about grief and love, about vulnerability and the strength required to embrace it... this book will have its hooks in me for a long time yet.
Leaf Arbuthnot, The Times
completely charming and genuinely funny
Roars with humour
A feel good mental health memoir... both touching and funny
Daily Telegraph Magazine
A brave blaze of a book... Samadder is a stubborn talent and a gifted storyteller.
The Sunday Times
eloquent, funny, and moving... truly beautiful
A memoir that'll break - then make - your heart... speaking on mental health, grief, disorders and more with frank honesty, Rhik creates a powerful read worth everyone's time.
Topman Blog