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It’s that handsome, bearded man from the telly! No, not Gary Lineker, the other one.

The lovable, self-appointed community leader Mr Khan shares everything you need to know about living in post-Brexit Britain, such as bringing up the perfect daughter, educ-asian, romance and how to ‘get our country back’ (to how it was when all the Pakistanis came). He offers advice you’ll struggle to find anywhere else: how do you make curry for white people? How do you make curry for brown people? How do you eat a custard creamie? Where should you go on holiday? And most importantly, what is the correct amount of toilet paper to use in one sitting?

Featuring previously unseen photographs of Mr. Khan’s early years, this guide is designed to sit on your coffee table, in your glove box and on your toilet cistern – at hand whenever you need it. Oh Twaddi!


Mr Khan is an extremely talented, funny man but also a serious sex symbol. Just as well I'm happily married. He really has no idea of his potency.
Lorraine Kelly
I would like to thank Mr Khan for guiding me over the years. Thanks, Uncle.
Sadiq Khan
This book has replaced the Argos catalogue as the most important read in our house.
Mr Khan